Part 1

 bOok of cliChés: 

 Part I

In a quiet suburb of a quiet city, in a rather uneventful snowy Saturday evening, a wife strode into her husband's office confidently and thrust a folder into his face.

“Here’s my show”

"You are done already?" Arnav was surprised as he stared at the pink folder first then the glittery text “AjeebIshq” followed by her bright green bangles and then forced his way back to the first page. He read out loud.

“This is a story of three couples, how they come together – despite all their differences and then how their lives get intertwined together inexplicably. That’s it, the tag line?” He looked up at her.

“That’s the story in a nutshell. The tag line will be – AjeebIshq, there is nothing ajeeb about it…and you know what” she asked eagerly,” I’ve also worked out a background score where AjeebIshq will be repeated at least once, thrice or five times depending on the mood of the scene”

“So basically it’s about two people who fall in love, get married and make babies?” he asked

“Yes and no, at some level it is because that’s what everyone presumes they will do. No because there’s a catch! That’s where our deception comes in and it will be nothing like that… Its not as simple as you think it is”

He doubted that, “You are selling dreams?”

“No selling an illusion of dreams of dreams…”

He meant to focus on her words but noticed instead the very bright strand of a barely there red dupatta hung around her slender white neck, and the black sexy mole that it hid. He wasn’t sure what purpose that served!

She waited patiently as she stared back into those brown eyes, aware of his shifting gaze.  She noticed his stubble next and wondered why he hadn’t shaved for days. As he continued reading, she realized there was something very disturbing about his voice, it was putting her to sleep, and he wasn’t very clear in his diction either.

“In a small town, where everybody knew everyone’s name, age and size on the tip of their tongues, a young girl lived with very little desires, money but with vast amounts of patience, peace and abundant love. She was a sign and symbol of purity, naivety and chastity. But soon, things were going to change for her. Her time to ripen, the bud to bloom into a feisty flower was close. And so was that young man who would push off that ledge away from the safety net of her familiar surroundings into a circus full of strangers and emerge as her personal dark knight on time to catch her – only to realize that the entire circus would have descended at her feet, head, shoulders and midriff by then…one of the basic rules being that all men – married or not will fall for the central female character once”

“What does she look like?” he asked her curiously.

“Is that even a question? she is the most beautiful, honest, forgiving, strong, resilient truthful, a graceful dancer, naïve eighteen year old with flawless skin, lustrous shiny and the longest wig in the whole world”

“WIG?”

“Because she needs that long static ironed hair that flutters perfectly when the wind blows…also because she needs to cover her bare back with the same when the time comes and no natural hair matches up to the prowess of the wig” she knew he wasn’t getting it, “You don’t understand, this is a must …”

He shook his head to ward off any magic spells her words may have cast on him and asked with a straight face, “So who gets the girl if so many men are after her?...Is there a swayambar or something, a contest of sorts?”

“No, no..it’s simple, she is destined to fall for the bachelor who is super rich and resembles one of the Greek gods”

“But will she like him?”

“She will learn to, she has no choice or free will, it’s like Stockholm syndrome…may be..sort of...I need to google that one...”

“Are you hinting that her man is abusive?”

“No, he’s just super hot” she replied quickly.

Some of this was beginning to sound disturbing to him piquing his curiosity further, so continued reading, “In another not so small town, another young and not so naïve girl lived with no wig nor long lustrous locks of her own but harbored desires of being the best at something” He noted his wife’s own recently cropped hair but chose to ignore the early warning signs buzzing at the back of his head.

He asked, “Why have you not explained what that something means?”

“Because she is yet to realize her full potential, but she will eventually…so I’m leaving that option open” she replied. He found it odd but decided to give her the benefit of doubt; this was her script after all.

“When she was born her town which was then a village was threatened by a deadly cigarette fire that had spread from the outskirts to its fringes, but with her birth, rains came and washed away those fires in the blink of an eye” She added in that which wasn’t in the script.

“So?”

“So, Can’t you see? She is the chosen one, all signs and symbols point towards her greatness someday – it’s just that no one knows that yet”

He gave her a thoughtful look, and continued reading the intro about the third girl, “In the biggest town of the three, where nobody actually gave a damn about your name, your sex, age or size oddly everyone knew everything that was to know about her, including those very intimate details. She was a professional actor, so everything from her monthly visits to the dentist, the surgerist and the weekly trips to the beauty salon, spa outings and constant threading were a matter of great significance.  She had been in a few relationships but heartbreak was her constant companion, and she was yet to find her ideal man. But things were about to change for her too”

“Surgerist?” he cocked his eyebrows.

“Yes sir,the one who …errr…augments her proportions…”

“But why her? – as far as I can see, both the earlier girls could use some of that err..Augmentation, you know” he asked matter of factly startling her.

“No no no….thats not how it works… you are so naïve” she threw her hands up in the air dramatically, “No one goes for it here, it’s all a PR stunt… because she will turn Vampish one fine day and drive a wedge between the first two when finally everything is going great so we have to drop hints from the start” she couldn’t believe it. He stared at her, his eyes wandering dangerously close to her own twin twinge of discomfort, “I am up here, you know” she snapped her fingers at him. He shot her apologetic glance and decided not to tread on dangerous waters so soon.

 “So what about the men?” Distraction always worked, he knew.

“Well let’s see, the first girl by default has to fall for the richest bachelor of the biggest town. The second girl falls with a man of her own town while the third girl falls for a married man of the smallest town”

“That’s it?”

“Yes”

“Oh wait, I also need some props for the set –“

“Props?”

“Yes,  an artificial rain maker, an artificial lightning creator, a fake full moon and twinkling real lookalike stars, big fans to create breeze in closed rooms and close contact situations, a shaky ladder, a derelict guest house with filmsy formwork, fake pani puri stalls, an office set up, a temple with sound bells, a minimum of ten plinth steps and a marbled plane for banging the head if need be... and...err.. a first aid box”

“That’s all?”

“That’s enough for the first phase...”

“What about the script?”

“What script?” And she wasn’t joking.

“Let’s get dinner, shall we?” He needed a break.