Part 5 - Arnav is sent back

bOok of cliches

-V- 

mrsedwardcullen: No they did not!! shut the f*** up! *hyperventilating*

JohnnyDeepRocks:Yes they did *hyperventilated*

murkyshadows:But...errr...wasn't it weird? *slightly-constipated*

mrsedwardcullen :What...weird? How ...why you weirdo? It's natural, the most natural thing to do. You sound like a tensed teenager murky...haven't crossed over yet, have we? ;P *gets-distracted*OMG! can you see all that chemistry...that defies all the physics...and ushers in all the biology *drools*...and *drowns-in-the-drool-pool*

murkyshadows: But...all that hay...won't that be itchy, dirty... pokey?? ...and for the record, mrsedwardcullen, I am a bored-out-of-work-housewife-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis, You stfu ...glitzy-klutz who lives in a sparkly bubble!

Murkyshadows has left the conversation...

Murkyshadws has deactivated the account, if this is a mistake, please contacts us.

Murkyshadows has created a new user id ... DemonicPlague.

DemonicPlague has hacked into this conversation in stealth mode.

JohnnyDeepRocks:Itchy? Don't be such a bitchy...but...ahh nevermind...*hyperventilating-stage-2*

JalebiBai:Ladies...Ladies! Ladies!!...WTH are you talking about? Hear me out, my hubby's been kidnapped!*alert!-bed-side-lamp-goes-off*

mrsedwardcullen: Stop PMSing Khushi ...Don't you know, they did it finally. Like after four years of being together...this is huge, like seriously HUGE...like bigger than world peace huge!!! And you just have to see how Castle gently touched that bullet scar, it was sooo passionate...*faints*

JalebiBai: *jawdrops* He did? *jaw-opens-more*

Spunky comes online...

Spunky:Wait... who did what?

murkyshadows: They did, probably on a stack of expired hay. *looks-royally-bored*

murkyshadows has reactivated her account.

Spunky: Castle and Beckett on hay?? 

mrsedwardcullen: Not them...Spunky!! It's the hottest pair on the telly...ignore murky, she's on weed today.

Spunky: eh! Expired hay? What does that even mean??

Internetspy: Somebody tell me, who did what? *confused-muh*

MartianHunk: The horses in the stable, I bet...*looks-around-annoyed-like-if-looks-could-kill* JB, I thought you had something important to share? *excited-muh*

JalebiBai: Are you freaking kidding me, this is huge!!

MartianHunk: What the!? *he-looks-around*

JalebiBai: This is it... that's going to sell my soap when it airs someday, oh man!! *jingles-her-pom-poms*

MartianHunk: Yes man, what about YOUR man!?

JalebiBai: What about him?? *munches-on-the-fresh-jalebis*

MartianHunk: What are hunks from Mars called, anything you remember??

JalebiBai: Wait...how do you know that?? * alert! -the-bulb-in-her-bedside-lamp-flickers*

Spunky who had thus far been stealthily spying on this entire conversation had had enough, so she butted in and gave a piece of advice to JB.

Spunky: JB! You dolt! You are talking to one right now!! And your lord Arnav has gone missing!! Jesus where does a girl have to go to get some sanity!

JalebiBai:OMG! OMG! OMG!! MARTIAN HUNK!??? So it's you! The green-little-man-in-tights, where is ARNAV?? *bedside-lamp-lights-brightly*

MartianHunk: Not so fast JB, you have smart friends, Spunky, once I'm through with her, I'm PMing you my cell number, we need to talk ;) Back to you JB, my condition is you give over the script to your super hit show in return I will give you back you husband.

JalebiBai: Okay, that's fine. I have backup, you can have that copy.

MartianHunk: no, no,...you dolt, you give it up for good! No more shows for you! And my second clause is that, When you find him keep him entertained for the entire weekend, that's your redemption ;) Kapish?

JalebiBai: Fine, where do you want the script? He is more important to me.

MartianHunk: Go offline and wait for instructions. *rubs-hand-in-glee-finally-we-can-take-over-the-world-with-this-show-and-its-clichesisms*

We regret to inform you that our server has crashed due to severe overload.

Meanwhile, DemonicPlague hacked into mrsedwardcullen's account and posted as her ... mrsedwardcullen: JDP is a loser. JDP is a loser ... yuck yuck yuck!!

DemonicPlague has reported mrsedwardcullen's inappropriate post.

*Muhahaha*revenge*

In Khushi's bedroom -

Khushi prayed to her Devi-Maiyya, "If you bring him back safely, the first thing I will do is make 1008 fresh jalebis for you, please...please find him. Bring him back to me" Her tears had dried by now, and feeling tired, bored, lonely ... she changed into one of Arnav's white shirts ... seeking some desperate assurance.

She waited, waited and waited until there was a loud knock on the door, exactly three times following a distinct pattern. As if on cue, she ran, knocking off the unlit candles by the floor, the freshly laundered clothes mainly her colorful dupattas tipped over and fell to the floor, while she ran as gracefully as a gazelle under all that stress ... breathless to the door, to find her Arnavji, standing by the door looking a little lost. Naturally she did what any wife would do under that circumstance, she jumped on him and clung to him like vines to a tree, and he held her like his life depended upon it. It was only when she was in his embrace, she found the post-it that had been stuck at his back, it read ...

Mrs. Khushi Kumari( ) Gupta Singh Raizada,

I am sending you this message with a tinge of regret-an ounce of sympathy-and liters of self-pity. Do you f**king know how hard it is to plan, execute and undertake this freaking kidnapping thing? It's hard work lady, and by hard I mean, like effing hard, where you sit hours and plan everything...and work while the entire world parties away...right from the minutest detail to working out the correct quantity of chloroform to render your victim unconscious, the ropes of correct tensile strength to bind them, and a chair, the lights, the correct ransom demand...well in our case, it is like the entire universe, but meh... damn, damn you!!

You PMSing dolt, will never get this hard work...at every stage we planned our clues and put them in perfect places, flew all the way from mars, hacked into your wifi through that lame-ass password, and kidnap your man. And you weird lady, never bother finding the clues or even solving them ... All you ever do is sit with your fancy gizmos and waste efforts of hard-working people like me.

So we have had enough, we will kidnap real people now, not idiots like you who have no brains, so from this moment forward, this mission has been aborted. I am going to join the successful kidnap of Team B whose credit ratings are superb.

Ps. You have no idea how my boss, her boss and her boss's boss have been behind my six inch ass for this failed mission.

Greatly disappointed-sad-dejected-demoted-ex-writer-of-the-martain-earth-clich-romance-saga

Gazoo Honestly.., G.H

_____

So while it thundered outside, flowers kissed and made out freely in the open, Arnav locked all the doors, closed all the windows and shut all the blinds, and they did what any normal couple did after such a trying time of separation and sort of desperation... 

"Khushi, I can't remember a thing...I just need to be with you now" He pulled her towards him and kissed her.

"Let's get to it Arnavji, we don't have much time" She led an eager Arnav into the living room and straight through to the kitchen.

"Let me freshen up..." He had never seen her so excited before, it was a little unnerving.

"No, it can't wait. This has to happen since you have been saved by Devi Maiyya's blessing...don't bother showering...let's just get it on"

So while all that happened outside, Mr. and Mrs. Raizada headed to the kitchen, both thinking about different things.

"Must we do this now...and here?" Arnav looked around a little concerned.

"Yes, because I promised Devi-Maiyaa that when I found you, I would..." She was interrupted by his loud and surprised, "What the!? In the kitchen?"

"Well duh! Love..where else would I make those 1008 Jalebis as an offering to DM...let't get to it now...we don't have forever!"

"What?...and not?" Arnav was truly speechless. So she made jalebis while he counted them impatiently, she was surely testing his nerves, reserves and everything else in between. When they were done, "Khushi, let's go to bed", he hugged her from behind and began to whisper sweet nothings in her ears, "Wait..wait...let me offer these to DM..and I'll join you there" she turned and winked at him as she headed off to the sacred altar.

Unfortunately, when she returned, he wasn't in the bedroom so she rushed to the kitched only to find another piece of post it, it read,"Sorry, we weren't done yet... So we are taking him back.. ;)- 

BoredHouseWivesofMars - Club Venus" 

Luckily for her, they sent him back right away and this time, she left everything else, and ran to him. Everything else was forgotten - and finally ... the flames of passion spread like wildfire on an island of a thousand sun-flowers... and outside their window, it rained like it had never done before, the heavens had opened up.

Early morning, Arnav woke up to find his wife by his side, where she belonged.