Part Seven - Toofani Ishqqq

bOok of cliChés -

-Vii-

Silence is a good thing, except when it concerns a certain Mrs. Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada. Arnav should have seen this coming but unfortunately asli duniya can be a pain in the ass, and so the rigors of life made that silence “meant nothing” Khushi's silence should have been the first thing to ring a bell but he being a man had overlooked.

It was exactly 9 months, 11 days, 28 minutes and 45 seconds since that producer had called expressing interest in her script for the show that Khushi had finally titled, Toofani Ishqqq from AjeebIshq; the extra qqs were added after a careful and as Arnav found out a month later, very pricey consultation with a numerologist. Anyway, Khushi was naturally thrilled while Arnav obviously wasn’t, but as the days went by and Khushi did not hear back from the Lady Producer Ms. Cherry Blossom, all her inspiration wilted, and the dreams of writing a hit desi-soap became just that, mere dreams.

Three months ago out of frustration, Khushi shared her disappointment as well as her show’s script with her online buddies, unaware that one day this would come back to bite her in the ass too. She trusted them too much, and it was bound to boomerang on her, more on that later though.

Life went on smoothly, without much nautanki, but there was increasing silence in Khushi’s mind and she needed something exciting. And it happened, as I mentioned earlier - exactly 9 months, 11 days, 28 minutes and 45 seconds after that phone call (11/28/45). It was a typical autumn’s day in the windy city, and Khushi was starring outside her home looking at the falling leaves and wondering whether her life was like that too, drifting where the winds flew – then the phone rang. The call that would change her life…or something like that, you get the drift.

Yes, you guessed it right it was from some production house; to her great surprise however, it was not Cherry but a man at the other end who identified himself as Mr. BankeLal. And it wasn’t the only surprise, because once the call was done, Khushi wondered why the El was making so much noise today only to realize it was her heart, that was drumming very loudly. This was it, her show Toofani Ishqqq was really going to take off! She could not believe her ears. It felt too good to be true.  Except it wasn’t going to be called Toofani Isqqq but Jungli Prem, pehli baar... That should have alarmed her but in her initial excitement she chose to overlook that tiny fact. Then again, she wouldn’t be Khushi if she did the right things.

About fifteen minutes later, at the opposite end of the town, Arnav got a new email. Now don't get me wrong, but Arnav clearly was not thinking straight, Khushi never sent him emails, so this should have sent the church bell ringing in his ears. Unfortunately, it did not. Men can be frustratingly stubborn at times.

He nearly spat the coffee out on his old HP laptop, “What the!” As he re-read the list, his eyes nearly popped out from that immaculate socket perfectly framed by that precisely skewed brow that neatly hid that childhood scar, “What the hell is going on?” There was only one way to describe that list from Khushi, kinky! Luckily, this wasn’t his official email but still a man could get into trouble for this sort of indulgence.

Arnav paced his cubicle nervously as he waited for her to pick up the call, “Arnav?”

“What’s going on Khushi?” he demanded answers right away.

“Oh…looks like you got the email” munching away the freshly made Jalebis, Khushi was not aware what her email had stirred up at the other end.

“What is going on Khushi?” he asked annoyed with her inadequate responses, Khushi hesitated but there was no going back anymore, “I got a call from the Production House and they want to meet me to talk about the script and casting” she rattled it off as fast as she could.

To say he was shocked would be an understatement, “What? I can’t believe you are still thinking of that crap?”

“Crap? What crap, how come anything that concerns my independence is CRAP?” she looked at the jalebis in her hand before throwing it away, “You don’t expect me stay at home and make sugar-free jalebis all my life do you?” Now he had no idea that would touch a sensitive nerve, “Khushi…” his voice was softer this time, “That’s not what I meant but this list…”

“Yes, we need to get it” she was almost defiant in her response.

“What does any of this have to do with meeting?” he stared back at the list trying to make sense of it all.

“Everything”

“Explain” he was mentally bracing himself for the worst now knowing Khushi it was inevitable.

“They want me to play the lead female role…”

“Are they making a show or a porn film?” he didn’t attempt to sugar-coat his words after re-reading her list. He was mighty pissed and she owed him answers, “Khushi, you are not acting, and that’s final. BAS!”

“But Arnav, hear me out”

“We’ll talk about this when I get home” He cut the call because he was beyond pissed, Khushi needed a distraction badly but this was certainly not the kind he was hoping for.

Exactly two minutes later following an uncomfortable silence and some much need introspection at both ends, Arnav redialed home, “Khushi…” his tone was gentler, “What is going on?”

“Can’t you see this is a dream come true, you know how hard I’ve worked on that script?” she sniffed, Gosh was she really crying or emotionally blackmailing him, he wasn’t sure, “I have dreams too you know…”

He sighed at his drama queen, “But your script had an artificial rain maker & lightning creator, a fake full moon and twinkling stars, fake pani puri stalls …not whips, hand cuffs…and all this crap”

 “Awww Baby you remember!” for a moment, she forgot about the script rejoicing inwardly at how much her man loved her, but Arnav’s joy was short lived before he could respond she was back at it, “They apparently did some tweaking around with the script…aaaand the girl falls for an emotionally tortured tough guy who …” Khushi added tentatively, “kind of likes it rough” It was at this moment, as she heard her own voice, Khushi began to doubt this entire thing.

Arnav was not pleased at all “Like what sort of tweaking around?” he asked increasingly annoyed at her naivety, “Well, for starters, it’s not called Toofani Ishqqq anymore… but” and then suddenly Khushi wasn’t sure either, may be Arnav had a point, this did not sound right, “Jungli Prem, pehli baar…”

“What the hell?”

It was Arnav who spoke again, “Khushi can’t you see? This doesn’t sound right to me”

Khushi was thinking now, she did not respond, “Why did they rename it?” he asked.

“The guy said, it’s inspired from 50 shades… so they merged my script with their inspiration” And Arnav narrowed his eyes at her; “You read that book?”

“No” she denied adamantly before trailing off, “No…well…kind of…” she played nervously with the folds of her shirt.

“Khushi?” he was getting impatient at the other end.

“I may have…Spunky and Murkyshadows talk about it so much, I got curious”

“Who are Spunky and Murkyshadows?”

“My online friends…”

“Who are these people?” then he remembered his own stint at the MartianHunk, “okay don’t answer that…”

“So can’t you see, Jungli Prem, 50 shades…whips. No way in hell my wife is acting in that whatever they call it now”

So it was settled, and even though Khushi wouldn’t admit it right away, she was glad that it had come to this. But then again, he wouldn’t be a man if his thoughts didn’t wander courtesy that list – it doesn’t have to be for the show…he wondered. Could they? Should he?

Khushi sighed, maybe he was correct, “Arnavji…” she spoke coyly immediately perking up his interest, “Yes, Baby what do you want now?” he knew that tone very well, “How much does a Red Ferrari cost?”

“Whaaa?”

---

Turns out Jungli Prem…Pehli baar was destined to fail because it never saw the light of day. Despondently the producers went back to Toofani Ishqqq and this time, Ms. Cherry was back at the helm, Khushi was roped in for the initial discussion. Everything was going on till, the channel cancelled at the last minute and officially launched a new show with Mr.BankeLal, it was titled, Toofani Ishqqq, Doobara…

“What that’s cheating, that’s my show!” Khushi fumed on the phone to Mr.BankeLal, “No it isn’t Mrs. Raizada, MrsedwardCullen wrote it and we took her script when Jungli Prem was scrapped, this is original as original as it gets”

“Does it have a male chauvinist as the main lead?”

“Yes”

“Does it have a spunky, spirited, beautiful but poor girl as the female lead?”

“Yes”

“Does he pin her to the walls and they have staring contests while Toofaani Ishqqq plays in the background”

“No, the background score is Ishqqqqqqqqq instead”

“Meh” , She couldn’t stop the tears from streaming, her friend - she thought mrsedwardcullen was her friend, how could she do this to her, “Do they have sixteen missed kisses before their first kiss?” Khushi asked hoping against all hope.

“fifteen” he corrected.

“Fifteen – sixteen what difference does it make” by now Khushi was desperate to prove her point but the man was not affected at all, couldn’t he see that this was her script, was this man blind?

“Does he use her weak financial status to blackmail her?”

“Yes”

“Can’t you see this is wrong, its mine. This is ditto mine, lifted straight off Toofani Ishqqq”

“No”

“Uff…” she thought real hard about this one, this would be one too many coincidences, “Does he drive a Red Ferrari?”

“yes”

“Seee!!” this had to nail her point, “This script has been blatantly plagiarized from my Toofani Ishqq…even the title is a rip off”

“No, it’s not” he didn’t seem bothered at all, “How can you say that after even the Red Ferrari matches? Who else drives around in that sort of a car?” she was virtually screaming on the phone now.

The man was clearly made of steel; his response was cool – like the arctic ice, “The Italian Billionaire” and he wasn’t done yet, “The Greek Tycoon or The Texas Cowboy”  he listed more with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, “You need more?”

“Go to Hell” Khushi cut the call.  And that was that.

Two days later, the online friendships were severed. Khushi only had Spunky and murkyshadows on her side along with MartianHunk but that was Arnav so he didn’t count. Everyone else deflected to mrsedwardcullen because she was not only writing but starring in the damn show, which was being touted as the next best thing. Little did they know Mr.BankeLal was no fancy producer but InternetSpy, who was out to create trouble.

Khushi was inconsolable that night.